What is real?
by Safis grin
Summary: Rynel can t seem to find enough proof that the blonde girl beside him is really there. The steady breathing of that sleeping form is just not enough.


What is real?

I never told this to her, nor did I tried to give any hints of the fact that something dwelled inside of me when I watched her sleeping face that one night. Ferris had made a well job on getting all the traces of blood out on her truly beautiful face. I felt disgusted of the fact that I was the source of the spilled liquid. It amazed me that just an hour before we had drunk tea while eating smashed, but still delicious dango like nothing had changed. Did we try to fool the reality? Of course something had changed! I tried to kill her! Even thou´ I can´t remember all the details, there are flashes of that moment. The image of me trying to kill my companion against my own will, still being so weak that I could not stop myself. Like watching helplessly, myself moving to destroy someone… her.

I looked her again. In the mist of my blurry memory I saw, the most clearly, her confident face while saying _"__You __are __not __a __monster__"__._ I lowered my eyes for a second ´cause they stung. I don´t deserve this. I don´t deserve any companion, any partner or a …friend. I had the urge to look at her again. For long and hard: what if I killed her? What if this is just my insane mind doing tricks to me? What if she is not sleeping there in front of me, but laying somewhere dead – or what if I destroyed her so ultimately that there is no trace left of her? I squeezed my eyes shut trying to overcome the nauseaing feeling. I felt like trembling. I was sure I would wake up any second to the reality that she was no longer within my reach. Was she still there? Dare I look? I started rambling it on my head: was she still there? Was she really still there? I finally had to look and my eyes fell again to her face, which I couldn´t see very well because of the darkness of the room.

First I felt relieved, but soon started doubting my eyes. Was she really there? I let my eyes travel to spot anything on her that would prove my consumption right. But I found none. Then my eyes stilled to look at her hand. That small and delicate hand which held so much power I could never understand it. Suddenly an image came to me. Earlier, when I was forced to release my mad self, she got through to me. I could remember her voice shouting. At first, it wasn't enough to get me gain my senses, but then I felt her push through my magic and grip my hand. She gripped hard with that small hand.

Did she really get through? Was she still there? Before I realized it, I started to reach out to that hand. My own hand was trembling little bit.

Was she really there?

My fingertip made contact with her skin and I was shocked. Not by any electricity, but by the fact that her hand was so warm. It was so warm, that I could feel it through my whole hand even thou´ I touched it with only my finger. I stilled for a moment, not removing my hand. I got little hope. But for some reason, it still wasn't enough so I let my fingers slide on her hand´s skin until I circled my own hand around hers. I could feel her pulse and her warm blood made my hand a little warmer. She really was there…

There was that stung again. When I rubbed my eyes for a second, I didn´t notice the little stir on our connected hands. But when I focused my eyes again to Ferris´s face, I saw two blue orbs staring at me, then looking our connected hands and looking back at my eyes again. Instantly I saw her breathing in, ready to say something insulting. But something chanced in her eyes and she stayed silent. She kept looking at me for a while, then broke the silence: "Get some sleep you idiot. That shouldn´t be a problem to you". I was little surprised of her reaction, but what amazed me was that she didn´t let go of my hand but just closed her eyes. I fixed my position without letting go of her hand. Suddenly she felt so precious to me that I started to feel almost uncomfortable. I felt that I couldn´t go to sleep just yet. I needed even more prove. And there was the issue of what did she thought: "Oi." "What?" "Are you afraid of me?" She looked me now, with eyes that seemed to claim me as an idiot.

"Idiot." I see I was right.

"I´m going to sleep now."

It wasn´t enough.

"Are you? I understand if you want to get away."

Now she turned her head on my direction and lifted our hands that were holding the other. "Like I would be afraid of a man, whose strongest ability is to sleep more than 15 hours on a roll." I looked our hands, but still felt little unsure: "Are you really here?"

I hadn´t noticed my throat was so dry. Ferris blinked her eyes and looked at me. I held my breath waiting for her reply to my question, which sounded really idiotic now that I think of it. Her face was composted as always and I started to wait her hitting me, but instead she amazed me the second time: "Idiot".

Then Ferris moved against me and circled her free hand on my torso, so that our connected ones were squeezed between our bodies. Her nose was practically touching mine and some of her hair tickled my skin from here and there. "I´m here". Then her head fell on top of my shoulder ready to sleep.

I was so stiff I could have been paralyzed. And while I was lying there I suddenly came aware of everything. Well.. everything about Ferris. I could feel her body shape perfectly, for it was separated from mine for only by couple thin layers of clothing. Her firm but soft body gave me warmth, but I started wondering if I was supposed to be _this_ warm. And for a second, that cursed second, I thought what if there were not the two layers of fabric separating us…

Even if I destroyed the image immediately, it has made the damage: My pulse quickened and I my face started to feel a lot warmer. It became little heavy to breath and my hand, which still held hers, was getting sweaty. Then, without warning Ferris´s voice gained all my attention: "But if you don´t stop those usual perverted thoughts and go to sleep, I will strike my sword through your throat".

The followed chills made me cool down in an instant. "…Lecher…" I blinked and for some reason a little laughter rose in my chest and I chuckled. For the first time ever she actually hit the jack pot with those analyses. I pried my hand from between us and circled it around her, to hug her closer to me and smiled. I had started to feel really sleepy. She made a little *hmph* sound and I smiled even more. _"__She__ really __is __here__"__._


End file.
